Can People Really Change?

Can People Really Change?

This is the time of year that most people begin to contemplate New Year’s Resolutions. And if we are honest with ourselves, the resolutions for this year will likely look much the same as the resolution for last year.  Why do you think that is?

As a therapist, I often get asked, “Do you really believe people can fundamentally change?”  I could not think of a more hopeless and futile career choice than being a counselor if I truly believed that people cannot change!  So my answer is a resounding, “YES! People can fundamentally change!”  But the real question is, “Will they?”

In our early years as a young married couple in Austin, Texas our pastor made a profound statement that has stayed with me all these years.  Pastor Rob Koke said, “There are really only two reasons a person will change.  The first reason is that the negative consequences of not changing are so life-altering that the person will change. The second reason is that the positive consequences of the change are so compelling that the person will strive for authentic change.”  I believe there is a lot of truth in that statement.  I further believe that authentic change requires more than an act of the will or a fear of consequences.

As I think of authentic change, several scriptures come to mind:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
(2 Corinthians 4:17)

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)

…for in Him we live, and move, and have our being; as certain even of your own poets have said, for we are also His offspring. (Acts 17:28)

Herein was the love of God manifested in us, that God hath sent his only begotten Son into the world that we might live through him. (1 John 4:9)

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. (John 10:10)

Do you see a theme running through these verses?  Jesus. Life-changing abundant living is found **in Him**, and **through Him**… immersed in Jesus. Our will power and natural abilities can only take us so far before we crash and burn from pure exhaustion. It is in our weakness that He is strong.

I am often asked the question, “What does rock bottom look like?” I rarely give clients the answer to that question.  I am convinced part of the healing journey is the discovery. It may look a little different in each person’s life—but the basics are the same. Rock bottom, in my definition, is when people come to the exhausted end of themselves and realize that it’s not enough.  If authentic change could occur by an act of sheer will power, there would not be so many resolutions repeated again on the New Year’s list of resolutions!  But alas… the list of goals are the same, just the year is different. So what will you do different this year?

How does one actually seek to live “in Him and through Him?”  My challenge to you is to go back to the basics. Matthew 6:33 says, “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness then all these things will be added unto you…”

A relentless pursuit of God, seeking His kingdom and righteousness is where we begin to start living in Him and through Him. Clients coming to me for help are often in such despair, depression and anxiety-ridden states that they are emotionally paralyzed by fear. As we begin to unfold the story of their life I often ask them where they see God in the circumstances they are facing. And our journey begins…

So often we have not been taught how to seek God, much less apply the Biblical truths and principles to our real-life circumstances. I believe authentic change can only come through a life transformed and being continually transformed by the power of God.  Therapy can be an excellent tool to gain insight and understanding. But therapy apart from God is only a temporary Band-Aid fix. Authentic change is transformational—and it begins with the renewing of your minds (Romans 12:1-2). For so many people, the choice to make those transformational changes, only come when they hit rock bottom.  But it doesn’t have to be that way.  When you recognize your life is spinning wildly out of control (or even mildly out of control), I challenge you to just stop. Find a place where you can be alone and pray.  Seeking God begins with prayer. When you put your focus on the God who promised to never leave or forsake you, your perception of your circumstance begins to change. This begins a process of submitting your will to the Lordship of Christ. This is where true authentic change begins to manifest in your life. God is not looking for perfect vessels. He is looking for surrendered and willing vessels that will yield to his role as Potter and their role as clay.

So maybe this year you might choose to pass on writing a list of resolutions and rather submit your heart to God and be willing to place yourself on His Potter’s wheel where He alone will begin to mold and transform you for His glory.  You have a choice to make: more resolutions or life-altering transformation.  One is more likely to lead to authentic change. The other, well… go ahead and make a photocopy of your list of resolutions and file it now in a folder for 2014.


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